This is the first time I have ever written about my pretend mother, something that I assumed would always be secret. We all have a public life, a private life and a secret life. My pretend mother was a part of my secret life…until now.
When I was younger, not sure what age, I made up a pretend mother. Only she wasn’t pretend to me. In order to cope with my mother’s treatment of me, at some point my mind needed to do that…make up a REAL mother. The reals and pretends might get a little confusing.
I understand that my mother, who I no longer have a relationship with, is my biological mother. In case I ever had any doubt , my mother saying, “I never wanted you. You just came along because your father didn’t believe in birth control” would have cleared up any doubts.
At some point growing up, the psychological pain from the way my mother treated me was just too much. My brain could not cope. In response, it made up a REAL mother. In the story I told myself, my real mother’s name was Mary O’Connor. Why Mary O’Connor and not another name, I cannot remember. My mother Mary O’Connor died not long after giving birth to me. My dad then got remarried to the woman for whom I was a monster and an animal but she was not my real mother.
Mary O’Connor was about 5’7 and had long Irish red hair. She was very kind, very loving and very gentle. She wanted me and she loved me.
Elina Grace Edwin
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