Once again, I was shot awake after yet another nightmare, this time shaking with terror and grief.
As I mentioned in Bad Dreams, June 2010, I have had chronic nightmares for as long as I can remember. I wonder how many nightmares I have had in my life to date???
This one was bad..not in the sense of graphic horror but instead emotional horror.
That was the second worst dream I have ever woke up to. The first was the day after the love of my life died. I had dreamt about him overnight and when I awoke, I then remembered that he was dead.
The only thing odd about my nightmare was that I was not back in the house I left last year but in the one we lived in before that one.
In my nightmare, I was in my former bedroom, a small room that was big enough for a single bed, narrow desk (challenging to work on) and a chest of drawers. The wall in that room had yellow floral wallpaper. My dad threw me against those pretty yellow flowered walls, as a warm-up to hitting me, after dragging me upstairs by my ear and my hair.
In the dream, I was terrified and felt completely trapped, like a caged animal. My mother was in the dream, in my room and letting me know she was in charge of my fate and that I had no hope.
As I was waking up, I felt and KNEW that I would rather be dead than go back and live there. Other than my feelings for the love of my life, I have never felt more clear and sure about anything in my entire life. If my only option was to go back and live there, I would end my life.
Elina Grace Edwin
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